It’s not a comfortable discovery but sometimes the truth can’t be avoided: you’re a bad kisser. Or maybe you’re dating someone whose kissing skills are less than stellar. Whether it’s something physically off-putting like bad breath, poor technical skills, or simply using too much tongue, there are many ways a kiss can go wrong – and take the relationship with it.
In fact, a study1 showed that 60% of respondents would end a relationship over bad kissing. Luckily, unlike a lot of other dealbreakers, it’s possible to get better at kissing. In this article, we’ll look at signs you might be a bad kisser, then move on to some ways you can improve and how to fix a bad kisser.
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Signs you might be a bad kisser
Kissing might seem simple, but it’s a skill like any other. Some signs of a bad kisser:
You’re going too hard or too fast
Kissing is a conversation and nobody enjoys being yelled at. Unless your partner has indicated they like being kissed a certain way, it’s best to start slow and build up, especially if it’s a first kiss. Regardless of where you are in the relationship, though, always make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
You’re not being enthusiastic enough
While we’re all in favor of acting politely, there is such a thing as being too restrained. Presumably you’re kissing someone because you’re attracted to them and vice versa; if it doesn’t show in your kiss, that’s a problem.
Your technique needs work
Maybe you’re using too much tongue, or your head is tilted at the wrong angle, or you’re biting too hard… kissing is a skill, one that takes time and practice. You should also be aware of the rest of your body, especially your hands – where you put them and how you use them is important.
You have bad breath or poor personal hygiene
We don’t really have to explain this one. While you don’t have to be 100% on point all the time, there’s little that can kill a romance quicker than a lack of attention to such basics as showers and brushing your teeth.
How not to be a bad kisser
Despair not, however. Kissing is like any other skill – it can be picked up. Some ways to improve your smooching skills:
Focus on your partner
There’s a reason why more people are practising mindfulness – focusing on the moment you’re in vastly improves how much you enjoy it. The same applies to kissing. A common mistake is reducing kissing to just foreplay – learn to appreciate it in and of itself, and it’ll become much more fun.
Build up to it
Just as it’s a bad idea to learn swimming by jumping into the deep end, nor should you go hot and heavy the moment your lips touch. Keep it gentle to start and watch your partner’s reactions, moving forward only if they’re into it.
Use your entire body
Kissing isn’t just about your mouth. Use your hands wisely – to brace your partner, to tease them with light touches, or pull them close – it’ll add a whole extra dimension.
Ask for feedback!
The idea of asking a partner for help can be intimidating, especially if you’re already insecure about your kissing skills. But don’t let that stop you – not only will feedback help your kissing game, demonstrating vulnerability will also help deepen your relationship.